When Raising Your Standards Turns Harmful...
When I quit drinking, I raised my standards. This included the standards of the people I hung out with, the events I chose to go to, and the ways I wanted to spend my time. For others, raising your standards after ditching the booze may look like being more picky about who you go on dates with, who you go home with, or how you allow people to treat you.
These are all good things! When our minds and souls aren’t clouded by alcohol, we are able to make decisions that are more in line with our true selves and the person we want to be. However, when I raised my standards on how I wanted others to treat me, I was simultaneously and unknowingly decreasing the standard for how I treated myself. Allow me to explain…
Back when I was drinking, my hangovers were fucking horrible. If I got out of bed, did a single homework assignment, or made a meal, I was happy with myself. I gave myself grace and didn’t beat myself up if I didn’t feel like doing anything productive because my number one priority was doing things that made me feel good.
Ever since I quit drinking, my benchmark of what a “successful and productive” day looks like has only increased. The standard that I hold myself to now is a lot higher than the standard I held myself to when I was drinking. This can be a perfectly normal and healthy occurrence, but I had a small epiphany this weekend when I realized that I was unknowingly using this new standard in a harmful way. Hear me out…
Changing Our Idea of Productivity
Over the past few months, I have realized that my mood throughout my day (and in turn, the way I feel about myself at the end of it) depends entirely on how “productive” I am and how much I get done. If I check a lot of things off of my to-do list, I am usually in a pretty great mood (although I may be exhausted). On the flip side, if I do not get as much done as I would have liked to, I feel irritable and upset with myself.
Now don’t get me wrong, I think that raising the standards on what you expect of yourself after quitting drinking can be a good thing. It makes total sense that I expect more of myself now that I’m not constantly poisoning my body and mind with alcohol and blaming my poor decisions on being drunk. BUT, there is a fine line between expecting more of yourself and requiring more of yourself in order to be happy.
When I was first quitting drinking, a productive day looked like getting out of bed, making a meal, and maybe getting a workout in. As long as I stayed sober, I didn’t care how much or how little I got done. Now that I’m just over a year sober, I do not feel productive unless I have worked out early in the morning and then crammed as much homework and funshitblog work into my day as I can possibly handle. In other words, how much I require of myself in order to feel productive has only increased since I quit drinking.
As time passes and I move further and further away from my old drinking self, staying sober has gotten a bit easier. I am not constantly thinking about the fact that I don't drink. I sometimes even forget that there was once a time when I could barely make it through a day without drinking alcohol.
That girl seems so distant now, but it’s important to keep her in my memory. It can be easy for us to get wrapped up in our new lifestyles and forget how far we've come. I have been sober for over a year, but in the grand scheme of life, that really isn't that long. There are so many more difficult things coming up in my life that I will have to make it through without drinking. I must remind myself that if I make it through a day without drinking, THAT in itself is productive.
Celebrate the Small Wins!
This goes back to a point I used to make in my early sobriety, but have forgotten along the way...WE NEED TO CELEBRATE THE SMALL WINS! WE NEED TO MAKE BIG DEALS OUT OF THE LITTLE THINGS (no matter how far along you are in your journey)!
We cannot forget that we are doing a damn hard thing. Be careful not to get stuck in the comparison game and judge your worth based on how your journey compares to someone else's. If you make it through one day sober, that is a win and you should BE PROUD.
So, to recap:
It’s okay to up your standards when you quit drinking. After all, you feel a lot better and will have a lot more time and energy to do things. BUT do not let these new standards overshadow the progress you’ve made.
If you make it through a day without drinking, THAT is productive.
Celebrate the small wins. Celebrate every single milestone.