Are You Living Your Truth?
I have a twin sister. Her name is Jessica (aka Jessie, JJ, Jess or as I like to call her, "Juice"). Over the past five years, I have watched Jess transform from a depressed, angsty teenager into the most beautiful, confident woman I know. Jess is unapologetically herself. You don't like her? That's not her problem.
Jess has lived her truth every damn day from the age of 18. During our senior year of high school, she came out as gay. From that day forward, Jess has never looked back. It was truly amazing to see the liberation that came from finally showing the world who she was. Coming out takes amazing strength and I am constantly in awe of her courage and resilience.
A few months after her announcement, at the start of our freshman year of college, I saw a change in Jess. The thing that liberated her also began feeding into her depression. Jess went to a school in Washington for her first year of college where she found difficulty in connecting with people like her. I know many people who, if put in this same situation, would fall victim to their decision of schools, and remain enrolled hoping that it would get better with time. Not Jess. My sister knew she could not stay at that school any longer. She made the radical decision to transfer schools for her second year to a place that was more inline with her truth and her goals.
Now I don't know about you, but the thought of transferring schools after your first year, when everyone has already made friends, scares the shit out of me. I think it is one of the bravest things Jess has ever done.
For years, I have watched Jess live her truth, envious of the confidence she exudes. I regret the times that I ever made her question this truth. I would ask her, "Are you sure you wanted to post that?" or "Is that really what you're going to wear?" In my mind, I was trying to protect her. In reality, these comments were just a reflection of my own insecurities. I wanted to be confident enough to do whatever the fuck I wanted and post whatever the fuck I wanted, but I was too consumed in what others thought of me. These remarks were not coming from a place of protection, they were coming from a place of jealousy.
My alcohol addiction made my constant need to be "liked" even worse. I cared so much about what others thought about me that I would spend days obsessing over if I had done something or said something bad while drunk the night before. Alcohol slowly chipped away at my confidence and fueled my anxiety, but I put off getting sober for so long out of fear of judgement from others.
With every good book I finish, I am convinced it changed my life. Untamed by Glennon Doyle is no exception. I bought the book to see what all the hype was about, and damn...now I see what all the hype is about. In Untamed, Glennon writes, "Your job, throughout your entire life, is to disappoint as many people as it takes to avoid disappointing yourself." This quote was hard for me to comprehend at first as it seemed rather selfish. All my life, I've been a people-pleaser. Why would I ever want to purposely disappoint others? (You can find a link to Untamed on my resources page.)
Then, I thought about Jess. For years before she came out, she must have felt bottled up- consistently disappointing herself and hiding her truth to avoid disappointing others. And who could blame her? At that time, same-sex marriage wasn't even legal in the United States. Stories of anti-gay hate crimes appeared again and again in the news. The day Jess became liberated was the day she finally decided to stop disappointing herself and show the world who she really was.
Our truth or "true self" is represented by our real feelings and desires. It can involve our sexuality, gender identity, passions, dreams, and goals. Only I know who my true self is and only you know who your true self is. Dig deep and think about who you truly are and what you truly want, not just what the world has conditioned you into thinking you are or want.
I started living my truth the day that I decided to quit drinking alcohol and start this blog. I maintain my truth every day when I follow my passion of creating blog posts and YouTube videos. I do not seek validation from others or care what people think of my decisions (mostly). Coming from someone who used to stress over every person's opinions of me, this is a big step. Judgement has no place in my life. I allow everyone live their truths without judgement from me and I hope they will do the same. But if they don't, that's not my problem.
So, please, ask yourself...Are you spending your days disappointing yourself so that you can please others? Are you saying "yes" to people and things that drain your energy? If you could live in this world as your 100% truest self and if no one would judge you, what would you be doing and who would you become? BE THAT PERSON. LIVE YOUR TRUTH. Some cultures believe we have more than one life and others believe we only have one. Whatever you believe, spend this life showing up as your truest self.